she feels trapped in a world of miserable exhaustion.
The nights are the hardest and she wishes more than anything she could sleep..
She longs for a night when she can just turn off the thoughts.
She’s tried it all- sleeping pills, meditation, reading, even a glass or three of coke at night.
Her mind never slows down and the heartache of her lost love doesn’t fade fast enough.
The moment she lies in bed, her senses heighten and her thoughts race.
She cries, stuck between exhaustion and sadness..
Her body needs rest, but more than that, her soul is weary..her heart hurts and there’s nothing she can to do to make it all go away.
She thinks of what tomorrow holds, where he is and what he is doing..she thinks about the memories of a faded love that seems so long ago now, yet is so fresh.
Tears streaming down her cheeks out of frustration, she pulls a pillow to her face and screams.
Anything she can do to relieve some of her frustration.
She’s at a loss for an answer ..all she wants is the one thing she can’t seem to have.
Sleep.
The darkness closes around her and she feels trapped in a world of miserable exhaustion.
She flips on the tv, trying anything she can think of..
As she wipes away the tears, she musters a weak smile.
“Perfect. A documentary.”
Maybe she can bore herself to sleep.
Though her mind fights to keep thinking an endless array of thoughts, she focuses on the show..which is excruciatingly boring..
And just what she needs in that moment.
As she slowly fades off, her thoughts begin to dissipate..until at last, slumber claims her after a long battle.
Her last thing as she drifts off is simple.
‘Finally.’
She’d struggle again tomorrow night, but for now, for her, she’d take her wins where she could get them.
And right now, as her eyes close, this is one of those small victories her heart and soul desperately needed..
And these days, she’ll take a win where she can get them.
Tomorrow..she’ll fight for even more.
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